Brighter days are coming to illuminate your life

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To arrive here on the last day of 2020 fills my heart with gratitude.

What a year it’s been!

I’ve laughed so many times and cried more often than I care to remember.

I’ve expressed myself openly, sharing the difficulties of my personal life through writing a blog and at times, the fear surrounding this, has almost crushed my spirit.

There are no words to describe the immensity of loss that I’ve felt and on many different levels.

Losing a loved one and the loss of friendship.

Watching my child experience the loss of her own self worth, believing that she’s not good enough to be in this world, starving herself to fit in.

Tahya

Experiencing the devastating loss of life all over the world, that we hear about on a daily basis due to a determined virus that won’t give up.

The loss of income from the effects of the pandemic, as so many others have experienced too and the fear surrounding that has tested relationships to the max.

And for a while, the loss of identity-demanding such high expectations of myself and questioning my capabilities! Why am I here? What is my purpose? Who the hell am I to think that I can offer anyone any help, when I feel so exhausted and sad myself!

Yes, like many others around the world, I’ve experienced loss, suffering and sheer frustration.

So now I will change my story and tell you about some of the wonderful things that have happened this year which fill me with overwhelming gratitude.

A deeper connection to nature, the living, breathing world around me and to people.

I’ve gained time-time to stop and think.

Time to write freely and time to wallow in my own misery which was necessary for healing.

I’ve learned the true meaning of friendship.

My close friends are my family-there is no divide. They have picked me up when I’ve felt so low and supported my crazy ideas, my writing and unconditionally loved me (even when they have more than likely wanted to kick me up the ass) and tell me to get a grip. They were there when I absolutely needed them without so much as a whisper, they were there right by my side. Looking back now, they’ve always have been.

It’s so amazing to be surrounded by strong and beautiful women, each with their own personal story in life to tell. They all continue to teach me lessons of resilience, love and life long friendship.

I am so grateful for my husband who puts up with my dreaming year in and year out. This year in particular, has pushed him to his emotional limit too with the pandemic creating such fear and uncertainty. Covid has a lot to answer for and everyone has been affected. He is a remarkable husband and father having always put his family first and his wants and desires at the bottom of the list. My hope for him is that this new year will be the year when he realizes his own value, significance and dreams.

I love you.

Over his past year, I feel much closer to my big brother. We have always had a great relationship but in recent years there has been an unwelcomed distance. Him not partaking in most of our family gatherings and me feeling like he’s been living at arms length from us all. I believe that we have now reconnected on a much deeper level since my writing this blog and sharing it with him and I also believe that in someway the acknowledgement of his past trauma has made way for at least the beginnings of a healing process. I love him dearly and wish he was a healthy well man. I know that no amount of my moaning (as he says) will make any difference. It breaks my heart to see him struggle with breathing and I also know that I have to let go of the trying to fix him-just like I couldn’t fix my father.

This is his journey as it was my father’s and I don’t have the words to express just how much I love him, You (I know that you will be reading this) and I am so glad that we are on this journey together, wherever it may lead us.

Complete strangers have shown me an insurmountable amount of kindness.

Joy, a fellow blogger who has touched my heart by her continued love and support of my writing, sent me her book as a gift from across the world and checks in with me via email. It was Joy who inspired my writing about being grateful. She gently reminded me yesterday, that she has pulled back from the negativity that social media has been offering us all lately. It’s not good for our Soul to be immersed in and as some would say, as such dark times.

We must remember with absolute grace the gift of being alive and especially in this present moment.

Thank you Joy.

Deborah, also a fellow blogger here on WordPress. I know that you too, will be reading this-another beautiful stranger that has touched my life and you’ve been walking alongside me since the very beginning of my healing journey of writing. I will be forever grateful for our connection and friendship.

Thank you.

The lady who has organized our official paperwork for France has been simply amazing. We seem to have connected on a deep level too and shared some of our personal story together. She is the sole reason that we are legally allowed to be here and I am so very grateful to her and her team for her knowledge, support, love and friendship.

http://www.patsyvalentin.com

I wrote a post on the Mums Space Facebook page about my struggle with having an unhappy teenager and starting our new life in France. Two lovely ladies responded and reached out to support me in more ways than they will ever realize in the first few weeks of being here. They both checked in with me on most days in the weeks after I arrived in France, always doing there very best to uplift and inspire.

These women are remarkable and also complete strangers. They have all taught me so much about the unconditional connection that runs deep within us. These ladies offered me acceptance within minutes of me writing my message and in essence, the simplicity of kindness.

Thank you ladies.

This year has brought momentary separation from everything I know and also such beautiful rewards of so much more. I’m truly grateful for each and every experience that has presented itself to me.

I’ve loved, lost, learned so much, taken risks, been challenged and ultimately I’ve grown insurmountably.

In the words of Andrea Bocelli – In life every second, every instant that passes is important in the same way because it is a gift and yes, there have been more memorable times than others. I could make a long list. However, life should be lived every single instant. Be optimistic, never lose hope because hope is the light that illuminates our days.

Brighter days are coming.

Thank you as always for reading my words and I wish you all a healthy, happy and prosperous new year.

In gratitude.

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